Discovering the painful truth that her father had betrayed her mother shattered the foundation of a seemingly unbreakable family. For over 26 years, their marriage had appeared strong and united, but the revelation of infidelity tore through the illusion, leaving a trail of heartbreak and disbelief.
As her mother struggled to hold the family together amidst the devastation, the daughter felt her own world crumble alongside hers. The bond they shared deepened through shared pain, while the father became a distant figure, a source of anger and disappointment too great to overcome.
AITA for refusing to speak to my dad after he cheated on my mom?
Dr. Harriet Lerner, a renowned psychologist known for her work on family systems and boundaries, emphasizes that individuals have the right to define the terms of their own relationships. In the context of infidelity, Lerner often discusses the concept of ‘taking care of oneself’ first, noting that while marriage repair is one path, collateral damage to other relationships, especially those involving children, must be acknowledged as a potential and valid consequence.
The OP’s decision to cut off contact is a manifestation of establishing a firm boundary following a significant emotional trauma. The father’s infidelity was not merely an issue between the parents; it was a betrayal that fundamentally altered the OP’s perception of their father—a loss of respect that cannot be easily restored. The OP’s refusal to engage, despite the father’s attempts to reach out, indicates a strong need for emotional safety and space to process the betrayal. The extended family’s reaction, particularly the appeal to tradition (“He’s still your dad”), reflects societal expectations regarding filial piety, which often fails to account for the severity of parental misconduct.
The OP’s action, while extreme, is an understandable response to preserving personal integrity when trust has been shattered. The primary issue is the father’s failure to fully reckon with the relational damage he caused to his child, not just his spouse. A constructive path forward for the OP would be to maintain the boundary as long as necessary, but perhaps communicate clearly (when ready) that reconciliation requires the father to acknowledge the specific harm done to the child, rather than simply expecting forgiveness because time has passed or because the mother has not demanded severing ties.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.
The individual is experiencing deep personal conflict stemming from a betrayal of trust by a parent. They have chosen to cease all contact with their father as a direct response to his infidelity, prioritizing their emotional recovery and loyalty to their mother’s experience over familial obligation.
Given the pressure from extended family to forgive and reconcile versus the depth of the OP’s personal violation and loss of respect, should an adult child be expected to maintain a relationship with a parent who has severely violated core family trust, even when the injured spouse does not demand such separation?
