Betrayal shattered her world when her ex-husband chose another over their family, leaving her drowning in heartbreak and humiliation. Despite her desperate efforts to hold onto what they had, he demanded an equal share of everything, including custody of their children—children who vehemently rejected him and refused any contact.
Years passed, and though he moved on to build a new family, his past with their children was erased, severed by distance and silence. Meanwhile, her children remained steadfast, yearning for connection yet guarded by the wounds of abandonment, caught in the painful shadow of a father who chose absence over reconciliation.
AITA for My husband cheating and leaving me causing our kids to hate him (he has a new family now and cut our kids off)
Dr. Terri Givens, a family systems expert and author on divorce adjustment, often emphasizes the long-term impact of parental withdrawal on children, regardless of the age or the initial catalyst for the separation.
This situation presents a complex dynamic involving boundary creation and emotional labor. Initially, the children established a necessary boundary by refusing contact, a behavior likely supported or at least understood by the OP, who acted as the sole caregiver. The OP’s current hurt is valid; she invested heavily in raising the children post-abandonment, and now faces rejection of their outreach efforts by the biological father. The ex-husband’s reasoning—citing his new family, retirement, and inheritance—suggests a prioritization of his current life structure and a fear of perceived obligation or complexity associated with re-engaging the previous family unit. While he has the legal right to manage his finances and relationships, his actions signal a complete severance of the parental bond he once abandoned.
The OP was not wrong to feel hurt, as her emotional investment and the children’s vulnerability as minors at the time of the initial separation factor heavily. Constructively, the OP should now focus on validating the children’s feelings about this final rejection rather than attempting to force the ex-husband to change his mind. Future action should center on affirming their worth independently of the father’s acceptance, perhaps seeking support from a therapist specializing in adult child/parent estrangement to process this second wave of loss.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
The original poster is experiencing deep pain stemming from her ex-husband’s complete withdrawal from his children’s lives, despite the children’s renewed desire for contact. This situation forces the mother to confront the long-term consequences of abandonment, even after she and the children initially distanced themselves following the divorce.
Given that the ex-husband has explicitly chosen to prioritize his current family and financial considerations over a relationship with his older children, the central question becomes: Does a parent who initiated estrangement bear a greater moral responsibility to re-establish contact when the children eventually seek it, or does the right to self-determination permit him to definitively close that door?
