A 19-year-old woman finds herself trapped in the painful aftermath of her parents’ bitter divorce, a wound carved deeply by her father’s betrayal. As her father rebuilds his life with the woman he cheated with, expecting her to step in as a surrogate parent for his new children, she wrestles with anger, resentment, and the heavy burden of unwanted responsibility.
Caught between loyalty and self-preservation, she faces relentless demands that clash with her own struggles as a full-time student and part-time worker. Each call from her father is a reminder of the fractured family she never asked for, forcing her to confront the raw emotions tied to a past that refuses to let her go.
AITA for refusing to babysit my half-siblings and telling my dad I’m not his “backup mom”?
Dr. Harriet Lerner, an expert in family systems and boundaries, emphasizes that healthy family relationships require mutual respect and clearly defined limits. In this situation, the father is demonstrating a significant violation of his daughter’s boundaries by repeatedly leveraging guilt and emotional crisis to extract free, intensive labor (babysitting) from someone who is actively building her independent adult life.
The daughter’s reaction, while emotionally charged, is a predictable defense mechanism against ongoing emotional manipulation and the re-traumatization stemming from the initial infidelity and divorce. By framing the situation as ‘Family takes care of family,’ the father is attempting to impose an outdated or obligation-based definition of family obligation that ignores the daughter’s existing workload (college, part-time work) and her emotional history with him. The demand escalates because the daughter’s earlier, softer refusals were ignored; the father perceived her boundaries as negotiable.
From a professional standpoint, the daughter was appropriate in asserting her ‘no’ to the unreasonable demand, though the delivery could have been less volatile to minimize further immediate estrangement. Moving forward, the daughter needs to establish firm, non-negotiable boundaries around her time, focusing communication on her existing commitments rather than justifying her availability. The constructive path involves clearly stating, ‘I cannot babysit on weekends,’ and then offering limited, alternative support that does not interfere with her established responsibilities, such as briefly checking in by phone, if she chooses to re-engage at all.
REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.
1. Not your children to take responsibility of. 2. You’re in college that is your primary focus. 3. If they struggled with child one and two, what the hell are they doing having more? Ignore or block them until they have the decency to respect your space.
I would also tell your Grandma “You should be ashamed of yourself for siding with my Dad to try and make me the nanny to his and his mistresses children!
The individual is clearly feeling overwhelmed and resentful, caught between their commitment to their own life goals and the heavy emotional and practical demands placed upon them by their father. The central conflict lies in the father’s expectation that the daughter should sacrifice her autonomy and resources to manage the consequences of his later life choices, directly contradicting the daughter’s need for distance and self-preservation following past trauma.
Was the daughter justified in her sharp refusal based on years of pain and boundary violations, or did her strong reaction cross a line into abandoning necessary family support when genuine need was expressed? How should one balance personal healing from past betrayal against current familial obligations?
