Betrayal stings the deepest when it comes from those once held closest. In the sanctuary of a cherished home, where laughter and trust were meant to flourish, the shadows of broken promises and reckless abandon have cast a painful divide. The warmth of friendship has cooled into a bitter confrontation of boundaries and respect lost.
What was once a haven of shared moments has transformed into a battleground of disappointment and frustration. The weight of shattered belongings and discarded plans presses heavy on the heart, forcing a painful reckoning: when respect fades, even the strongest bonds must be questioned and, sometimes, severed.
WIBTA for telling two of my (25F) friends (22F and 30M) that they are no longer allowed to stay at my house?
Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist known for her work on boundaries and dysfunctional relationships, often emphasizes that ‘When you say ‘yes’ to things you want to say ‘no’ to, you begin to resent yourself and the other person.’ In this situation, the OP has clearly established that her capacity to host these friends has been breached by their consistent pattern of destructive behavior.
The friends’ actions demonstrate a significant lack of respect for the OP’s property and emotional well-being. Specifically, the friend breaking into the bedroom to harass a pet, the destruction of property (couch), and the abandonment of the OP during a serious pet emergency illustrate severe boundary violations fueled by alcohol abuse. While the OP notes that the friends are ‘struggling mentally,’ their behavior shifts the dynamic from being friends offering support to guests imposing a significant burden and risk on the host. The core issue here is one of accountability and the fundamental right of a homeowner to feel secure and respected in their own space.
The OP’s decision to deny them future overnight stays is entirely appropriate and a necessary act of self-preservation. Constructively, the OP and her fiancée should communicate clearly that while they value the friendship in other contexts, the privilege of staying in the home is revoked indefinitely due to the documented pattern of disrespect and damage. Future interactions should maintain distance until the friends demonstrate sustained sobriety and a commitment to respecting established boundaries.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.
“ten minutes later I found out they left” .. why did you open the door?
You gave them more than enough chances. I’d question whether they are really your friends. If they are, then they are really terrible people who have majorly abused your friendship.
I think there’s more than ample evidence that you are simply being used as a convenient crash pad.
It is a miracle that you have put up with them for so long.
The original poster is struggling with a difficult decision regarding friends who have repeatedly disrespected her home and boundaries, especially during times of personal stress, due to excessive drinking. The central conflict lies between her past loyalty and affection for these individuals and their current, destructive, and selfish behavior which violates her sense of safety and respect within her own home.
Given the pattern of property damage, disregard for the OP’s emotional needs during pet illness, and clear violations of trust, is the OP justified in completely revoking the privilege of staying over, or does their alleged mental health struggles warrant further patience and accommodation?
