A couple finds themselves in a difficult position as they attempt to include a family member in their holiday plans.
Conflict arises when the boyfriend’s father refuses to welcome the guest, forcing the couple to choose between family expectations and their own commitments.
AITA for not attending my family’s Thanksgiving Lunch due to company visiting?
![His response was, "Why isn't [boyfriend] asking this?" and that...](https://animalstrend.com/wp-content/uploads/wp-img-cache/ea41d7ee54034b1dd510dec63c30b5cc.png)
As renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown explains, ‘Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.’ In this situation, the boyfriend and his partner are attempting to define their own holiday boundaries by prioritizing a guest they have cultivated a close, consistent relationship with through shared activities.
The father’s refusal to include the cousin, based on a divorce that occurred before she was born, suggests a rigid adherence to past family dynamics rather than current interpersonal connections. The couple’s decision to decline the invitation is a logical consequence of the father’s refusal to adjust his comfort zone. By choosing to stay home, the couple is protecting their time and their guest’s wellbeing, which is a valid exercise of personal agency.
The couple’s actions were appropriate given the father’s lack of flexibility. Moving forward, they should handle such situations by setting expectations earlier and more clearly, while remaining firm in their decision to prioritize their own established plans when compromise is not met with mutual respect.
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The author feels a sense of loyalty to their guest and frustration over the father’s rigid expectations regarding family boundaries.
The central question remains: Is it unreasonable to skip a family gathering if the host refuses to accommodate a visiting guest, or does the burden of compromise lie with the couple?
