Haunted by the scars of her past, she never expected the tormentor who once shattered her confidence to resurface with pleas for help. The very man who branded her with cruel names now stood vulnerable, asking for a lifeline, blurring the lines between pain and compassion.
Caught in a whirlwind of old wounds and new demands, she wrestled with her conscience—torn between empathy and self-preservation. Each unanswered call echoed the complicated dance of kindness shadowed by the weight of history and her own struggles to define what’s right.
AITA for not giving money to my former bully for child support
According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, an expert in interpersonal relationships, effective boundaries are crucial, especially when dealing with individuals who have previously caused harm. She emphasizes that saying ‘no’ is a fundamental right for self-protection, and one is never obligated to sacrifice their own well-being or resources to alleviate the consequences of another person’s poor choices or history.
The situation presents a clear case of boundary violation layered upon past abuse. The former bully (FB) is using emotional pressure—specifically involving the baby and persistent contact—to manipulate the OP (21F) into compliance. This pressure tactic exploits the OP’s known kindness and, as noted in the edit, her potential difficulty in asserting fairness due to a learning disability, which can complicate the understanding of social expectations regarding selfishness versus self-preservation. FB’s actions move beyond a simple request for help; the non-stop calling and messaging constitute harassment intended to induce guilt.
The OP’s hesitation is understandable given her history and her innate desire to be fair. However, providing money under duress to an abuser who has demonstrated no accountability is generally not advisable. A constructive path forward would involve a single, firm communication stating that due to past actions, no financial assistance will be provided, followed by blocking all further contact. This prioritizes the OP’s emotional safety over the demands of the manipulator.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.
The only response is to say “you’re right. I don’t.” Nothing more. It’s nothing to do with you. His problems are not yours to care about or fix. Block and ignore. NTA.
he’s nothing but a stranger at this point, so why don’t you just block him on FB\IG or whatever and get along with your life?
Why does he feel he can:
A. Contact you for any reason
B.
I mean, without more info, I def say NTA, and block him for good, but I feel there is something missing in the story
The individual is placed in a difficult position, caught between past trauma caused by the former bully and a present request for financial assistance involving an innocent baby. The core conflict arises from the expectation that past wrongs should be ignored in favor of current need, contrasting with the natural hesitation to support someone who caused significant distress.
Given the history of severe bullying and the current persistent demands for money, is the individual justified in refusing the request from the former bully, or does the presence of a dependent child create a moral obligation to provide the small sum requested?
