In the quiet chaos of a shared home, a young college student grapples with the weight of expectations, feeling the strain of responsibilities that blur the lines between support and sacrifice. Her plea for understanding clashes with a parent’s hardened resolve, igniting a silent storm of frustration and unspoken burdens.
Caught between the demands of family and the pursuit of personal dreams, the daughter’s voice rises not just in protest but as a desperate call for balance and empathy. The father’s perspective, shaped by his own struggles, becomes a chasm that threatens to unravel their fragile connection, leaving both to wrestle with the meaning of duty and love.
AITA for not paying my daughter to babysit her younger siblings?
As renowned family therapist and researcher Dr. Terri Givens explains, “When you shift from being a parent of a child to a parent of an adult child, the relationship must evolve from one of authority to one of negotiation and mutual respect.”
The dynamic presented here highlights a common tension point in modern parenting: transitioning a young adult from dependence to independence. The parent is operating from a historical model where significant financial support inherently buys labor contribution, drawing a direct comparison to their own past sacrifices. However, the daughter, being a college student (a demanding role) and legally an adult, views her labor expectations through the lens of her current responsibilities and personal time limits. The expectation of three four-hour childcare sessions per week, totaling 12 hours, alongside regular cooking and cleaning, is substantial for someone prioritizing academic success.
The parent’s response, calling the daughter ‘privileged,’ dismisses her stress rather than validating her experience, escalating the conflict. While the parent is not obligated to pay an allowance, viewing childcare as merely a ‘chore’ rather than scheduled, demanding responsibility disregards the cost to the daughter’s academic focus. A constructive approach would involve collaboratively reassessing the division of labor: perhaps reducing babysitting to once or twice a week, or offering a small, agreed-upon stipend specifically for the childcare shifts to acknowledge the external commitment it represents.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
>> “…watch over her younger brothers… when I need a break to hang out with my girlfriend.”
Since you have not clarified the many requests re: how often, I’m going to assume based on the words in your original post that you are being wildly unreasonable.
“because I myself went to school while having to pay bills & take care of her as a baby alongside”
That was your own baby and your own decision, same as now. You daughter has no kids, it’s not her responsibility.
The parent feels they are being entirely reasonable by expecting their 20-year-old, rent-free college student daughter to handle regular household chores and watch her younger siblings three times a week. The central conflict arises because the daughter feels this workload, especially the childcare, is overly burdensome and interfering with her studies, while the parent views their support (housing and college tuition) as sufficient compensation for her contributions.
Is the parent wrong for refusing to pay their daughter an additional allowance when they already cover all her housing and education costs in exchange for basic chores and sibling care? Or is the daughter justified in requesting financial compensation, arguing that the childcare duties represent an unfair imposition beyond standard expectations for a young adult living at home?
