In the tangled web of his mid-twenties, he finds himself caught between two worlds—one defined by history and familiarity, the other by possibility and new beginnings. His heart is torn between a long-term, turbulent relationship that feels more like a safety net than true love, and a fresh connection that stirs emotions he’s not sure he’s ready to confront.
Living a life of quiet deception, he grapples with his own identity and desires, wrestling with the boundaries of monogamy he once held sacred. The weight of secrecy presses down on him, as he dreams of a love that could defy tradition, all while knowing that honesty could shatter the fragile peace of both women’s hearts.
AITAH for dating two girls at the same time?
According to Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist specializing in diverse family structures, ethical non-monogamy requires radical honesty and mutual consent from all parties involved. Deception inherently violates the foundational trust necessary for any relationship, regardless of its structure.
The individual is exhibiting classic signs of relationship ambivalence coupled with a fear of commitment or loss. The two-year relationship provides comfort and familiarity, fulfilling a need for stability (even if the connection is codependent), while the new relationship satisfies the desire for novelty and potential deeper compatibility. The internal conflict—identifying as monogamous while attempting to manage two relationships—suggests a significant misalignment between personal values and current actions. Continuing this deception places an unsustainable emotional burden on the storyteller and introduces severe, predictable harm to both partners should the truth emerge.
The motivation to switch from monogamy to polyamory unilaterally, while maintaining secrecy, is ethically inappropriate. The professional recommendation is clear: the deception must end immediately. The storyteller must choose one path based on their true long-term goals—either commit fully to one partner after ending the other connection cleanly, or, if the desire for multiple relationships is genuine, cease all current dating activity to educate themselves on ethical non-monogamy and honestly disclose their intentions to any future partner, accepting that the current partners will likely choose to leave.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.
YTA
Be honest. Tell them. I dated a few guys at the same time in my 30’s. I was totally upfront with them. I didn’t want to play any games. I liked to go out and just have fun and not be serious with any one guy.
The individual is caught between two different relationship dynamics: a long-term, comfortable but conflicted relationship and a new, exciting connection that brings uncertainty. The central conflict arises because the person desires a more serious commitment but currently maintains both relationships secretly, knowing that both partners expect monogamy.
Given the clear expectation of monogamy from both partners, is the appropriate path forward to immediately end one relationship to maintain integrity, or is there a justification for exploring the possibility of non-monogamy after honest disclosure, despite the high risk of losing both connections?
