Couple Contemplates Throwing 20 Y.O. Son Out Of Their Apartment Because Of His Irresponsible Behavior

In the fragile balance of a blended family, hope often clashes with harsh reality. A young couple, already burdened with the sleepless nights of a newborn and the boundless energy of a toddler, open their home and hearts to a troubled young man seeking stability. But the promise of a fresh start is quickly overshadowed by broken agreements and growing tensions, as the weight of unmet expectations threatens to unravel their fragile peace.

Behind closed doors, frustration simmers and patience wears thin. The once hopeful gesture of kindness feels exploited, as the young man’s disregard for rules and responsibilities casts a long shadow over the family’s sanctuary. In the quiet battles over cleanliness, money, and respect, the true cost of love and sacrifice becomes painfully clear, revealing the raw, emotional toll of trying to hold a fractured family together.

WIBTAH/WWBTAH if we told our 20 year old to move out and why?

Dr. Terri Apter, a psychologist known for her work on family dynamics and boundaries, often emphasizes that enabling behavior, even with good intentions, can severely impede an emerging adult’s development. In this scenario, the parents (OP and Dave) have established expectations that Alex has repeatedly violated without consequence, effectively signaling that his immediate gratification (weed, junk food) is more important than the stability of the household providing him shelter.

The motivations here involve a conflict between Dave’s paternal love and guilt versus the functional needs of his immediate family (OP, toddler, newborn). Dave’s inability to enforce the agreed-upon rules, particularly after Alex directly compromised emergency aid applications, indicates a significant boundary failure. The OP is suffering from emotional labor, dealing with the stress of new parenthood, a difficult recovery, and the burden created by an uncooperative housemate. Alex’s behavior demonstrates poor self-regulation and a disregard for the social contract of communal living.

Alex’s actions are inappropriate because he leveraged his position as a dependent to access housing while actively undermining the family’s financial security when they were most vulnerable. A constructive next step requires clear, final communication. If Alex cannot adhere to a strict, time-limited behavioral contract (e.g., 14 days to show proof of savings/contribution or move out), Dave must enforce the exit plan immediately. This shift from negotiation to firm enforcement is necessary to protect the primary family unit.

REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.

Period.

It’s possible to simultaneously love someone and not be able to put up with certain behaviors.

If he does have no other place to go, than it’s really quite pathetic that he can’t keep things clean enough.

NTA.

The original poster and her boyfriend are facing severe stress due to the irresponsibility of the boyfriend’s 20-year-old son, Alex. Despite agreements regarding household standards, financial contribution during a time of need, and providing necessary documentation, Alex has repeatedly failed to meet these basic expectations, jeopardizing the family’s emergency financial stability after the birth of a new child.

Given the breach of trust, the strain on the marriage, and the urgent needs of the newborn and toddler, should the couple prioritize the immediate stability and safety of their core family unit by ending Alex’s residency, or is there an ethical obligation to continue supporting a 20-year-old son who shows a clear lack of effort and respect?