At the start of the year, a promising assistant named Amy stepped into the spotlight, quickly proving her worth through dedication and skill. Recognizing her value, her employer entrusted her with leading a major client deal, a responsibility she embraced with excellence, earning admiration from both her boss and the client.
Yet beneath the surface of professional success, a quiet moment at lunch revealed a subtle tension—a difference in choices that spoke volumes. While the client and boss shared a simple meal, Amy’s distinct order lingered longer at the table, hinting at unspoken divides and the complex layers of workplace dynamics.
AITA for speaking to my (over weight) assistant about her business lunch and making her cry?
Barbara Pachter, a leading expert on business etiquette and author of ‘The Essentials of Business Etiquette,’ notes that the primary purpose of a business meal is business, not the food. She advises that professionals should try to finish their meal at the same time as their client to avoid making others wait or feel uncomfortable.
In this situation, the manager followed standard professional norms by suggesting that the assistant mirror the client’s pace and choices. However, the assistant’s emotional response highlights a significant gap in communication and a possible sensitivity to personal judgment. While the manager intended to provide a strategic ‘playbook’ for future success, the timing of the feedback—occurring right after the meal—likely made the assistant feel scrutinized and defensive rather than supported.
The manager’s decision to provide feedback was appropriate, but it would have been more effective if delivered as a briefing before the lunch took place. To repair the relationship, the manager should have a follow-up conversation to reaffirm the assistant’s value to the team. Moving forward, providing clear expectations for professional conduct prior to client interactions can prevent similar misunderstandings and emotional distress.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
I am also an overweight person. I would never ever think of ordering steak if I worked in a client facing job and the client didn’t order something fancy first! It wouldn’t even occur to me to do so.
The manager feels torn between their duty to mentor a talented employee and the guilt of causing her emotional pain. They view the feedback as a strategic business lesson, while the employee interprets the critique as a personal attack on her lifestyle and body image.
Was the manager’s feedback a necessary piece of professional guidance intended to help the employee succeed in high-level business deals? Or was it an insensitive overreach that blurred the line between professional coaching and personal judgment?
