A sixteen-year-old transgender employee faces persistent misgendering from a coworker despite multiple corrections.
The situation escalates when the employee decides to mirror the coworker’s behavior by using incorrect pronouns against him.
AITA for purposely misgendering a colleague?
As renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown explains, ‘Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.’ In this workplace conflict, the coworker failed to respect the fundamental boundary of the author’s identity, which triggered an emotional response that led the author to abandon their own professional boundaries in an attempt to force empathy through mimicry.
The author’s decision to use the coworker’s own words against him demonstrates a reaction to repeated invalidation. While the coworker claims to be ‘trying,’ his persistence in misgendering the author after being corrected suggests a lack of genuine effort or a deliberate power play. By mimicking his behavior, the author highlighted the absurdity and hurtfulness of the coworker’s actions, yet this method risks professional fallout and creates a hostile work environment.
The author’s actions were a reactive response to sustained harassment, which is understandable given their age and the frustration of being disrespected. However, retaliation often undermines one’s own standing in a professional setting. Moving forward, the author should document specific instances of harassment and report the behavior to a supervisor or Human Resources, as relying on direct confrontation may lead to disciplinary action against the victim rather than the perpetrator.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.
It doesn’t seem like she supports you. NTA.
The author feels justified in retaliating against a colleague who continued to ignore their identity, while others at the workplace believe this reaction was unprofessional and unnecessary.
Is it appropriate to use targeted misgendering as a tool to teach a colleague about respect, or does this action violate professional boundaries regardless of the initial provocation?
