A daughter’s childhood was shadowed by loss and loneliness, growing up in the quiet ache of a mother’s absence. Left to navigate the fragile years alone, she carried the weight of abandonment and silent judgment, her struggle unseen beneath the surface of a fractured family.
In the harsh reality of survival, love was measured in cold accusations and withheld support. As she fought tirelessly for her future, the wounds of rejection cut deep, revealing a story of resilience born from heartache and the relentless pursuit of belonging.
WIBTA If I told my mother to stop referring to my baby as hers?
According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of ‘The Dance of Anger,’ when significant historical boundary violations exist, attempting to establish new, healthy patterns requires clear and consistent communication. The mother’s current behavior—taking excessive credit for milestones and claiming the child as ‘my kid’—suggests a manifestation of unresolved emotional need, perhaps stemming from the guilt of past abandonment or a desire to recapture lost maternal time through the grandchild.
The poster’s reaction, ‘seeing red,’ is a predictable emotional response rooted in the trauma of being made to feel like an ‘afterthought’ at age 16. The mother’s focus on her own stress during the birth or her time holding the infant is a form of emotional labor appropriation, shifting the narrative away from the parents. By referring to the child as ‘my kid,’ she is attempting to re-establish a primary parental bond that was forfeited years ago, directly undermining the poster’s role as a parent.
The poster is entirely appropriate in addressing this. The suggestion that they might be ‘unreasonable’ is likely the internalized narrative from their mother convincing them they are a ‘leech.’ A constructive recommendation is to use ‘I’ statements focused strictly on observable behavior: ‘Mom, when you call our son ‘my boy,’ it makes me feel disrespected as his parent. Please refer to him as ‘my grandson’ going forward.’ This sets a non-negotiable boundary without engaging in a debate about past hurts.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.
The original poster is struggling with deep, unresolved feelings stemming from their mother’s abandonment during adolescence. While the mother now seeks a close relationship, particularly with the new grandchild, her behavior centers her own experiences, causing significant distress to the poster. The core conflict lies between the mother’s desire for a grandmother role and the poster’s need to protect their boundaries and establish clear ownership over their child.
Is the original poster justified in setting a firm boundary against their mother claiming their son as ‘my kid,’ or does this demand place an unfair restriction on a grandmother attempting to rebuild a relationship after years of absence? The decision rests on balancing the poster’s need for emotional safety against the potential cost to the fractured family relationship.
