My fiancé (33M) and I (28F) are getting married in December. His mom is the intrusive type but generally nice, and we… somewhat get along. I hate to admit it, but wedding planning has been an absolute nightmare. His mom refuses to agree on most things. My fiancé says that since he’s her only son, I should respect and appreciate her “vision” for the wedding and how it should be.
She insisted on coming with us to wedding dress shopping. I took her along with my mom and friends. I was lucky to find exactly what I wanted. But his mom picked a dress she loved and said, “I always pictured my son’s bride in this.” My mom and friends thought that line was creepy. I thought the dress was kind of creepy and definitely not my style. I politely thanked her for her “vision” but told her I’d already decided on a dress I envisioned wearing at my wedding.
She got upset, apparently told my fiancé, and he came home ranting about how I made his mom upset, “turned down” her help, and excluded her from the process. I asked, “What process? It’s just a wedding dress — my wedding dress — so why should she have a say?” He got upset and said my attitude wasn’t working for him or his mom.
He said I should consider the dress his mom wanted, especially since “both dresses weren’t that different anyway.” I told him they were very different. We argued briefly then dropped it.
Yesterday, I came home to find out he had returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom wanted. I called him and he was blunt about what he did and why. I lost it and screamed at him.
He asked me to calm down and give this dress “a chance.” I refused and kept yelling, not letting him speak. He came home and we argued again. I left to stay with a friend. He kept calling and texting, saying I overreacted, and reminded me it’s his wedding too. He said it wasn’t cool to scream at him. He kept insisting I give the dress a chance, saying his mom has a “vision” and only wants what’s best for me as her future daughter-in-law.
My mom is furious and wants to confront his mom and him, but my dad says it’s not worth ruining my relationship with my in-laws. He advised me to “go with the flow.”
But is it too much to ask to pick my own wedding dress without being guilted just to keep the peace?
AITA for my reaction?
Edit: FAQ
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The dress his mom picked wasn’t outrageous, just not my style.
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This has been ongoing — other disagreements, but the “vision” has been there for a while.
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I’m paying for the dress myself.
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My fiancé’s dad is deceased; his mom has no daughters, just him.
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He’s still pushing me to accept the dress.
