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AITA For Refusing To Help My Daughter Pay For College?

by Alex Johnson
October 20, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 9 mins read
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A father’s love and responsibility can be a quiet, steadfast force, especially when it intertwines with the legacy left by a beloved great-grandmother. This man, holding the reins of an education fund meant to secure his children’s futures, faces the heartache of navigating trust and control with his ex, who sees the fund not just as a safeguard, but a source of contention and unmet needs.

In the shadows of their fractured relationship, the fund becomes a battleground of intentions and emotions—where money is not merely currency but a symbol of care, fairness, and sacrifice. His refusal to relinquish control is met with frustration and desperation, revealing the deeper struggles of co-parenting and providing amidst the echoes of past promises and present realities.

AITA For Refusing To Help My Daughter Pay For College?

Throwaway Account I (48m) have three children with my ex....

After the children were born my great-grandmother started a small...

There weren't any specific criteria for this fund within the...

I've added my own money to fund and my parents...

My ex never put a dime into it but always...

Over the years she's tried to say that she needed...

I still refused and said that to just send me...

She didn't want that and would shut up after I...

Fast forward to when Joe was going to college and...

My ex tried to convince him to get me to...

My son did consider it but decided that he'd rather...

Jane, however, gave into her mom's way of thinking and...

I tried to convince her that this way was best...

Jane just called me controlling and said that I didn't...

Eventually I relented but made it clear that this was...

Everything seemed fine up until about a few weeks ago...

I asked her what happened and surprise, surprise Jane gave...

That while she may not graduate by a certain time...

How I would tell the school how she was on...

because they expect me to pay for her schooling and...

She wanted to be treated like an adult, well finding...

Technically, I could help but I'd rather Jane work for...

I added money in equally to all of them but,...

ended up with a lesser amount because the funds were...

Also when each of my kids entered high school I...

to her advantage. 3. By their senior year of high...

and that if there was any left over by the...

Joe and Jane both with to In-State universities to save...

She's even taking a year off before applying just to...

We're American and living in the United States.

What do you think of this story?





THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.

reddit_tat NTA. But there might be some details that affect...

She convinced Jane to give her $. It isn't Jane's...

But if you give in and fund Jane, you've just...

Instead, the real hard lesson for Jane is "ask your...

" Second, I don't think you can merely "tell" the...

The FAFSA is what it is. Your income/a*sets might affect...

It will be full $ loans. The hard lesson for...

Her Mom needs to give back what she took. If...

Then Jane pays back the loans herself. As for Amy:...

Do you really want to take out college loans to...

(BTW, you don't mention what Ex's standard of living is....

This is Ex using the children to manipulate you, because...

Sounds like you're not playing her game. Don't.) Best of...

StAlvis NTA And **you're doing yourself a major disservice** with...

CaroB_Melt You DID help pay for your daughter to go...

Jane is unfortunately like her mother and not responsible and...

You showed that you wouldn't and you provided alternatives.

You were even willing to give up claiming her (as...

And though it sucks, you definitely shouldn't allow your youngest...

NomNom83WasTaken NTA "*Both Jane and my ex are upset with...

*" You *did*. Jane is 21 and why she's crying...

"mom, I need that money back," speaks volumes about how...

If there's any way you can directly pay the school...

chaiperson You can help protect her from her mother.: NTA,

you made it perfectly clear that the fund was a...

In her second year of college your daughter is old...

If she still chose to give the money to her...

I won't say that makes her an AH but it...

But be careful about Amy being put under pressure to...

Talk to her, explain the situation.

She might still insist on paying for her sister's college...

MiskiMoon After that it's out of your hands: NTA This...

responsibility. She will not learn if you bail her out...

Please do NOT allow your other daughter to be pressured...

CabinetIcy892 NTA As the other comments before me stated you've...

through. It was there for a specific reason. There is...

Was she under the impression she'd get it back or...

JMLKO Stand your ground. edited as advised: NTA what did...

TheDarkWarriorBlake NTA and not sure why you'd think you were.

I'd tell Jane that you're sorry her mom spent her...

but you did make it clear before hand that you...

you won't compromise your third child's future for it, and...

I would ask your mom to help or return the...

Jorojr NTA and don't you dare tap into Amy's college...

After reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many people sympathize with the original poster’s stance on maintaining control over the education fund. The consensus seems to be that since the fund was initially set up by the great-grandmother and there were no legal stipulations requiring shared control, the OP is within his rights to manage it as he sees fit. Commenters also pointed out that the ex’s desire for equal control, despite not contributing financially, feels less about the children’s welfare and more about exerting control or financial leverage.

In my opinion, it’s important to prioritize the children’s best interests, and having a dedicated education fund managed responsibly can be crucial for their future. While co-parenting often requires compromise, financial decisions tied to agreed-upon arrangements like child support payments should be respected. The ex’s repeated attempts to access the fund without contributing or a legal basis seem unfair. Ultimately, open communication and clear boundaries around financial matters are essential to avoid ongoing conflict and ensure the children’s needs are met effectively.

Alex Johnson

Alex is an expert in finance and often shares tips on managing personal money.

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