I’m using a throwaway because honestly, this is humiliating to share. But my thoughts are a mess and I need to know if I’m completely out of line — or if this is still normal.
I’m a 25-year-old woman, and my 17-year-old brother and I have always been close. Physical affection has always been part of our bond. I’ve always seen him as my little baby — he’s kind, sensitive, and emotionally open with me. We hug, cuddle sometimes, and I’ve always been a source of emotional comfort for him.
I’ve been with my fiancé (29M) for three years now, and he’s aware of how close I am with my brother. Ever since I moved in with him last year, I’ve seen my brother far less — mostly just during family video calls. Whenever we meet, I hug him, and my fiancé occasionally makes little jokes like “You two are very close, huh?” I thought he was just teasing.
Five days ago, we went to visit my family for my mom’s birthday. It was the first time in four months that I saw them in person. The gathering was small — just close relatives — and we stayed overnight.
Late at night, while my fiancé and I were watching a movie, my brother knocked on the door asking to talk. My fiancé gave me a strange look, but I followed my brother out. He opened up to me about school stress, struggles with friends, and how overwhelmed he’s been. He started crying. I comforted him, reassured him, and we talked for about an hour.
When our conversation wrapped up, I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek — something I’ve done countless times before — and told him we could talk more tomorrow. That’s when my fiancé walked in, asking, “Are you guys done?” in a bitter tone.
Later that night, once I came back to our room, he exploded. He called me disgusting for kissing my own brother. He said the cuddling, hugging, and now the kiss made him feel like something was deeply wrong with our relationship. He accused me of treating my brother more like a boyfriend than a sibling, even saying we were “in love.”
I tried to explain that my brother and I have been through a lot — including childhood trauma from an abusive father. My bond with him is protective and maternal. But my fiancé refused to listen. The next morning, he called his mom and told her he was thinking about ending the relationship.
She later spoke to me and said that for the relationship to survive, I would need to “distance myself” from my brother, because the closeness was affecting my fiancé mentally. She claimed it was due to him being an only child and not understanding sibling dynamics.
Now I’m stuck. I genuinely don’t believe I did anything wrong. I love my brother in a sibling way — fiercely and protectively. I also love my fiancé, but I had no idea he took my relationship with my brother so seriously until now.
Am I really the problem here? If my actions are too much, how can I fix it without hurting my brother — who clearly needs emotional support?
Reddit’s Take on the Situation
Pebbletale:
A kiss on the cheek for your little brother? That’s nothing. If your fiancé can’t handle your love for your family, do you really want to spend your life walking on eggshells?
BasicRabbit4:
Your fiancé accused you of incest and pedophilia over a kiss on the cheek. That’s not love — that’s possessiveness. This will only get worse if you marry him. Run. NTA.
DankyMcJangles:
Be glad he showed his true colors before marriage. If he’s jealous of your teenage brother, imagine how he’ll treat future kids. NTA — but get out while you can.
sass-shay:
He literally called his mom because he was jealous of your brother. That’s not a man — that’s a red flag with a phone plan. Don’t join that family.
Sally_darling:
A kiss on the cheek? Really? That’s the issue? He’s overreacting and making something pure into something twisted. NTA.
Lizzydeathstar:
Your post title had me worried, but you did nothing wrong. Your fiancé’s reaction is what’s alarming here. NTA.
Technical_Pitch1144:
My ex was the same way. Thought my love for my much younger brother was “weird.” After my brother died, he mocked me for grieving. Don’t marry someone who punishes you for loving your family. NTA.
Furious-Stiles:
You’re showing healthy affection in a world that desperately needs more of it. Don’t let a jealous partner twist that. NTA.
Nibbnubs:
You’re normal. Your fiancé is not. Your brother matters. Let that insecure man go.
MansikkaFl:
Cut him off. And his mother too. If he’s jealous of your brother now, it’s only going to get worse. You deserve peace and real love. Not this.
