I’m a single mother of three daughters. My oldest are 21-year-old twins, and my youngest, Alice, is 19. Ever since they were kids, I told all of them the same thing. If they chose to pursue higher education, I would pay for it. They would not need to take out loans or worry about tuition or school expenses. This applied to college, community college, trade programs, or any other form of further education.
I only had two conditions. One, they needed to go straight into their chosen program right after high school. Two, they had to share their grades with me at the end of each semester. I never forced any of them to go to school, but I made the expectations for financial support very clear from the beginning.
One of my twins took me up on the offer and is currently finishing her psychology degree. The other chose a different path and is now a tattoo artist. I supported both of them equally and am proud of the direction each one chose.
Alice, however, told me in her final year of high school that she wanted to take a gap year. I asked her what she planned to do with that time. She told me she just wanted to relax before starting real life. No plans to work, travel, volunteer, or do anything specific — just relax. I told her she had the whole summer to rest, but if she delayed her education, I would not be paying for it later. She brushed it off and insisted on the break anyway.
Four months later, she has done exactly what she said. She sleeps in, doesn’t work, and hasn’t taken any steps toward preparing for school. Now she’s brought up the idea of going to college next year and asked if I would still pay. I told her no, just as I had said from the beginning. I reminded her that I would still be willing to help her, just not cover everything.
She got extremely upset, told me I was being unfair, and called me a bitch for supporting her sisters more than her. I reminded her of the deal we had always talked about and asked if she had applied for any scholarships or made any financial plans. She hadn’t. I also told her that I plan to retire in 2025 and can no longer afford to fully fund another child’s education.
I feel bad, but not completely. I see this as a lesson in responsibility. She had a clear opportunity and knowingly passed on it. That choice came with consequences. She can still go to college, and I’ll help her however I can, but loans will likely be necessary now.
So aita?
Here’s what people had to say:
Logical_Pineapple499
Did your daughter show signs of burnout or depression after high school? Maybe she didn’t feel able to keep pushing without rest. College burnout is real. Some students drop out or waste money because they’re not ready. Maybe the gap year prevented an even bigger mistake.
sfgothgirl
You were very rigid about your rules, and I think that could be a problem. Also, it’s strange that in just four months your finances changed so drastically. Does Alice even know how to look for scholarships? Did you guide her through anything?
Tangerine_Bouquet
Not the asshole. If she hasn’t worked at all during her break and expects you to pay full tuition, that’s unreasonable. You are still offering to help. She’s not entitled to everything just because she’s your child.
QueenHelloKitty
I want to know what happened to the money that was supposedly set aside for her education.
afurtivesquirrel
Everyone kind of sucks here. Your rule was overly strict, and she should have known you meant it. Still, calling you names was totally out of line. The situation sucks, but she had warning.
dollectica
Not the asshole. You made the rules clear and followed through. Alice chose not to take the opportunity and now has to accept the consequences. Also, she owes you an apology for how she reacted.
ForeverReading458
My daughter asked for a gap year. She worked extremely hard through high school and needed a rest. I supported her and she ended up doing very well. Sometimes rest is important. But your daughter never said she needed it for mental health, and you’re still offering partial help. I hope you can talk it out.
[Reddit User]
Not the asshole. I took a gap year too, but I worked and saved money. If she had done anything productive, maybe the deal could have changed. But she didn’t. You’re still being generous by offering to help at all.
WomanlnQuestion
I wasn’t allowed to take a gap year and ended up dropping out. I only went back to school nearly 30 years later. I get why she wanted time off, but if she didn’t tell you why, she can’t expect special treatment.
rheasilva
You told her clearly that if she waited, the money wouldn’t be there. Now you’re retiring, and that’s fair. She just didn’t believe you and is now mad at the results.
