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My Bro-in-law Lives Here For Free And Just Told Me To Get Permission Before Inviting Guests Over

by Ankit
September 12, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 6 mins read
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When Ian, a man displaced by unemployment, sought refuge in his sister’s home, it was meant to be a temporary haven—a place to regain footing and rebuild. But as the months wore on, the sanctuary they offered began to feel less like a shelter and more like a battleground, with Ian’s relentless demands and unsolicited opinions chipping away at the fragile peace.

What started as kindness morphed into tension as Ian’s attitude shifted from grateful guest to unwelcome overseer, dictating household rhythms and asserting control over every corner of their lives. The subtle invasion of their space and patience left a family grappling with the painful realization that sometimes, even those closest to us can become the hardest to live with.

AITA for telling my BIL he can have an opinion when he starts paying bills

My (35m) wife's (38f) brother "Ian" (44m) lost his job...

My wife and I agreed he could until he found...

He asked if we could be quieter at night after...

He makes requests for dinner daily like we're his personal...

He asked us to get a different detergent because "ours...

he must have some money because he goes out with...

I was watching tv the other day and he came...

" He said "yea but I like this one better."...

I have my daughter (12) this weekend (not my wifes...

Her friend was dropped off at like 11. They're basically...

Well Ian walked in the living room and asked her...

We went in my office and he said "it'd be...

I said "first of all she's my daughter's friend, second...

" He said "well I live here too and I...

He went and talked to my wife after our conversation...

My wife said "she knows his "outspoken nature" gets on...

Honestly good he should feel unwelcome maybe then he'll get...

AITA

What do you think of this story?





REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.

LetThemEatHay NTA. Your wife is the problem now.

It started out as a BIL problem, but once your...

His refusal to work is not your problem, and now,...

Honestly,

good for you for not responding to the bit about...

cla*s="comment_author">rainyreminder: NTA. It sounds like he thinks because he's your...

he "ranks" in the hierarchy of your household somehow. Time...

gotomarketfit NTA, actually kick him out.

Total-Being-4278 What an ent*tled idiot: It's time for Ian to...

Why would you put up with this in your own...

He came in like he runs the place, and you're...

overseas-mango NTA: NTA Ian is being extremely rude. You're merely...

It's batshit crazy that he thinks he has any say...

He needs to understand that he is a guest in...

As an adult living for free he should contributing by...

PuzzleheadedTap4484 NTA but I wouldn't have said "when you pay...

I would have said "when it's your own house/home you...

" I would let him know he's got X number...

ETA: yeah, don't let him be a renter.

MiserableQuit828 He would be even more awful and demanding: Obviously...

What's concerning here is your wife's att*tude. She said YOU...

YOU in the house YOU pay for that you let...

You need to sit down with your wife and discuss...

lyan-cat of that stay.: NTA. My brother stayed with us...

My husband only agreed to let him stay if he...

He was great but he wasn't looking for work or...

He would vanish for days and then come in with...

pinguthegreek You have a wife and BIL problem. NTA.

ben_burnache "I'm sorry that you've perceived an unstated implication that...

I want to be open and clearly state that you...

Reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many people sympathize with the OP’s situation. The consensus seems to be that while it’s kind to help out a family member in need, Ian’s behavior has crossed boundaries and is disrespectful to the household. People suggest setting clear ground rules or even asking Ian to find his own place if he can’t respect the shared living space. Some commenters also point out that Ian’s unwillingness to contribute, despite having some financial resources, is unfair to the hosts.

In my opinion, temporary help should come with mutual respect and effort from all parties involved. Ian’s attitude appears entitled and inconsiderate, which understandably frustrates the OP. It’s important for the OP and his wife to have an honest conversation with Ian about boundaries and expectations. If Ian cannot adjust, it may be necessary for him to find alternative accommodations to preserve the peace and comfort of the household.

Ankit

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