The original poster (OP), who works a fly-in/fly-out schedule, spending eight weeks abroad followed by four weeks at home, married his partner, Louise, last summer. Due to the nature of his work, the OP sold his house and simplified his life to only own items he could easily transport, relying on his parents’ home for storage during his time off.
After three years together, the OP discovered his wife was cheating in September. Upon returning from work, he immediately arranged for a hotel, then traveled to Vietnam, blocking her on all communication and hiring a lawyer to start divorce proceedings. Now, friends are suggesting the OP is being unfair because he left his wife financially vulnerable, as their shared apartment and all associated bills were in her name, relying on his financial support.
AITAH for leaving my wife without a discussion after I found out she cheated?
It is often noted by Dr. Nico Wood, a specialist in relationship dissolution and financial interdependence, that ‘In situations involving clear breaches of trust, the wronged party is generally entitled to immediate separation; however, any pre-existing, established financial dependencies complicate the exit strategy, irrespective of fault.’
The OP’s decision to leave immediately upon discovering the affair is understandable from an emotional boundary-setting perspective. He was not obligated to stay or offer comfort. The issue arises because the couple structured their post-marriage living situation around his consistent, high income supporting expenses listed solely in her name. By leaving without notice, the OP effectively shifted the entire financial burden—the apartment lease and utilities—onto his ex-wife, knowing she could not sustain it alone, even if she earns a good salary for her own needs.
While the wife is entirely at fault for the infidelity, the friends’ concern points toward the concept of ‘financial abandonment’ within a shared domestic structure, even if separate accounts were maintained. The OP’s choice to change his travel plans to avoid contact shows a desire for minimal engagement. A professional approach would have been to inform his lawyer to notify her immediately of his intent to vacate the premises or transfer the lease within a defined, short window (e.g., 30 days), rather than creating an immediate crisis. However, given the betrayal, the OP is not required to continue subsidizing her lifestyle indefinitely.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.
The OP is facing criticism from mutual friends who believe that while his wife’s infidelity justifies divorce, his sudden departure without addressing the financial arrangements is unduly harsh. The central conflict lies between the OP’s right to separate cleanly after betrayal and his former partner’s reliance on his expected financial subsidy to maintain their shared living situation.
Considering that the OP never mixed finances and the living situation was established based on his long-term income, does he have a moral or practical obligation to provide a transition period or financial support to his unfaithful spouse, or does her infidelity absolve him of all further responsibility for the immediate consequences?
