My extended family think I’m a monster for going no contact with my parents AITA?

From a young age, he believed fostering would bring joy and friendship into his life. But beneath the surface of his parents’ open-hearted promise lay a reality where his own feelings were overlooked, where the chaos of trauma and anger from the children they welcomed overshadowed his childhood innocence.

In a home meant to be a sanctuary, he became an unseen casualty of his parents’ boundless compassion. The weight of unspoken struggles and unmet needs pressed heavily on him, revealing the silent sacrifices behind the facade of unconditional love and care.

My extended family think I’m a monster for going no contact with my parents AITA?

As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” This situation demonstrates a profound and dangerous failure of parental boundaries, where the parents’ commitment to fostering—which involved accepting children with severe behavioral issues—created an environment where the OP’s physical safety was repeatedly compromised, effectively setting the OP’s needs at zero distance from harm.

The parents’ actions reveal a pattern of enmeshment and conditional love directed toward the OP. By actively removing the door lock, dismissing physical abuse, and using guilt-tripping language (“selfish little asshole”) when the OP expressed relief at a foster child leaving, the parents invalidated the OP’s lived experience. Furthermore, ignoring repeated suggestions for therapy for the OP while lavishly providing it for the foster children indicates a severe imbalance of emotional labor and prioritization. This behavior fostered an environment where the OP learned that speaking the truth about their pain would result in punishment or accusation.

The OP’s decision to go no contact at age 18 and move away was a necessary act of self-preservation following years of psychological abuse and physical danger. The extended family’s reaction, dismissing the trauma as a “small thing” related to youth, further compounds the original injury by demanding forgiveness without accountability. The OP’s actions were appropriate for establishing safety. Moving forward, the OP should seek individual trauma-informed therapy to process the abuse and can decide on future contact only after the parents demonstrate genuine remorse, accountability, and a willingness to accept the OP’s boundaries regarding past events.

AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.

The original poster (OP) experienced severe physical and emotional harm due to their parents prioritizing the needs and safety of foster children over their own well-being as their biological child. The central conflict lies between the OP seeking safety and validation for their past trauma and the parents, supported by some extended family, expecting unconditional forgiveness and immediate reconciliation based on their perceived good intentions of fostering.

Given the history of physical abuse, emotional manipulation, and the denial of necessary therapy, is the OP justified in maintaining no contact with parents who refuse to acknowledge the harm done, or does the expectation from extended family that they must forgive past mistakes for the sake of family ties outweigh the OP’s need for self-preservation?