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AITA for “infantilizing” my roommate?

by Jane Smith
October 22, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 7 mins read
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In the quiet confines of their shared apartment, a silent struggle brews between two roommates bound by circumstance but divided by habits. One, driven by patience and care, has tirelessly offered guidance and support, hoping to nurture healthier routines and ease the other’s challenges. Yet, despite repeated efforts and heartfelt gestures, the chasm of understanding widens with each ignored recipe and wasted meal.

Frustration and resignation intertwine as the roommate watches resources vanish into the void of neglect—bread consumed recklessly, food left to rot unseen. The weight of unreciprocated kindness settles heavy, transforming hope into a bitter ache. It is a poignant reminder of how connection can falter when intentions clash with reality, leaving one to grapple with the loneliness of giving without return.

AITA for “infantilizing” my roommate?

Hi all, I (24M) have been having an increasingly grating...

Since we've moved in, I was trying to get him...

He's a self proclaimed vegetarian, has autism related texture issues,...

I'm not mad at that, I've hand picked recipes working...

then written it physically, digitally and even offered to record...

Even stuff I've pre-cut for him to cook with ends...

Now, though, he goes through entire sleeves of bread in...

sometimes even all the fresh fruit we buy. Usually in...

(We buy groceries with pooled together money) It wouldn't be...

He's even done it to things that are expressly mine...

The first time I made milk bread I had just...

I'm not sure how he didn't get sick. I'm not,...

Ive told him often he needs to eat REAL meals...

But once he finally DOES cook something proper to eat,...

I've had to get uncooked rice out of my flour,...

He also routinely dumps rice *into the sink* and not...

I can even count how many times he's done the...

He won't even take out the garbage or clean his...

I've already talked to my roommate about why I'm upset...

you care about me but you don't need to infantilize...

What do you think of this story?





THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.

WatercoLorCurtain NTA for being mad about him being a slob...

But for the love of god, stop acting like his...

Pys70ph You'll both be happier that way.: NTA for the...

But why can't you find a different way to approach...

Can you not separate out your food individually so he...

JewelCatLady Why does everything need to be communal?: INFO: Did...

In the meantime, quit pooling your money for groceries. Quit...

Even if he asked in the first place, which isn't...

If necessary, lock your things in your room or get...

Ditto a refrigerator for anything you really want to keep...

some with more than a teeny, tiny freezer compartment. Find...

which should be possible given his sensory issues, so you...

Not giving a judgment because if he *asked* for help...

-Liriel- Edited to add judgment after reply: NTA: ESH he's...

Cook for yourself, let him buy and eat whatever he...

100fronds Why are you sharing food resources with your roommate?

IDontLikeGreenPeas NTA, mostly. Trying to make him learn to cook...

and pre-chopping ingredients for him, and that kind of thing...

Let him live on peanut b**ter if that's what he...

But asking him to not eat an entire loaf of...

Asking him to quit being a nasty slob and to...

He sounds gross enough that you'd be justified in telling...

It would also be a non-AH move if you both...

SnarkyBeanBroth Look up "weaponized incompetence". NTA.

blugirlami21 But he's not your child to parent, so quit...

Why are you doing any of that stuff? Did he...

Once you saw that it's not sustainable or fair you...

As for the messiness, that's not something he seems willing...

The whole thing sounds terribly enmeshed especially since you're so...

km4098 NTA. But it sounds like you are partly becoming...

Don't share resources anymore, I'd been put a lock on...

He can door dash groceries or if he has family...

But have boundaries around him not eating any of your...

TeenySod ESH What he eats is up to him -...

As he is an adult, it's not acceptable to be...

Stop buying everything jointly - just do household cleaning stuff...

I think we should stop sharing food shopping as it...

DO keep on his a**e about his mess: poor pets:...

After reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many sympathize with the original poster’s frustration. Roommate dynamics can be tricky, especially when dealing with dietary restrictions and personal habits. While some commenters suggest a more direct conversation about boundaries and shared responsibilities, others highlight the importance of empathy and patience, particularly given the roommate’s sensory issues and autism. It seems the consensus leans toward finding a balance—respecting individual needs but also maintaining fairness in shared living spaces.

In my opinion, the situation underscores the challenge of cohabiting with someone whose habits significantly affect shared resources. The OP’s efforts to help were commendable, but it sounds like the roommate’s lack of follow-through and disregard for communal food is a real problem. Ultimately, open communication with clear expectations and perhaps revisiting how chores and food are managed might help avoid further resentment. Living together requires compromise, but it also demands mutual respect and accountability.

Jane Smith

Jane loves exploring new cultures and writing about travel and lifestyle.

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