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AITA My ex husband is now all of a sudden interested in co-parenting after 19 years without and I refuse to adapt his parenting style

by Charlie Brown
October 28, 2025
in Relationships
Reading Time: 6 mins read
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Two young brothers, barely a year apart, are caught in a silent storm of mental health struggles and fractured family ties. One battles the shadows of long-term mental illness, while the other wrestles with uncontrollable anger, both trapped in a system that offers little hope and endless delays. Their mother, disabled yet unwavering, fights tirelessly against financial strain and bureaucratic red tape to protect and support them.

In a heartbreaking clash of wills, a fragile family meeting collapses under the weight of control and misunderstanding. The father’s harsh decision to confine their eldest son outside of work shatters the tentative peace they had built, leaving these young men imprisoned not just by their conditions, but by the very people meant to care for them. The story is a raw testament to the pain of love strained by illness and the desperate quest for healing in a world that often turns its back.

AITA My ex husband is now all of a sudden interested in co-parenting after 19 years without and I refuse to adapt his parenting style

Our young men, almost 21 and 19, (they're 15 months...

Their dad has money, and I, unfortunately have been disability...

Our almost 21 year old has been dealing with mental...

All of these things I've been trying to get help...

Without extra medical insurance, mental health in patient rehab costs...

3 family counselling sessions are at least 3 months away....

Ex decided that almost 21 y/o wouldn't be allowed to...

No controlling attempts would be made and no disrespectful home...

my ex says via text, you better make sure he...

My son and I talked, I asked him what time...

No demand, no trying to control, just a mutual consideration....

"I'm guessing son is out and you don't want to...

cuz your resort is to take the car unless things...

Our son complied, so I don't need any shit from...

fair and respectful of our men, instead of a being...

As renowned family therapist Virginia Satir once stated, “I believe that the only way we can change the way we live is by becoming aware of the way we think.” This situation reflects a fundamental clash in thinking styles regarding parenting young adults: the OP embracing autonomy and mutual negotiation, and the ex-husband defaulting to punitive control, likely stemming from anxiety about their sons’ mental health struggles.

The OP’s actions align with best practices for parenting individuals transitioning into adulthood, especially those managing mental health issues. Establishing clear, mutually agreed-upon boundaries (like the 12:30 AM curfew) fosters internal responsibility rather than external compliance. The ex-husband’s immediate reaction—withholding the car and spamming the OP—demonstrates poor emotional regulation and an attempt to reassert control when his initial agreement was met. This behavior risks alienating the sons, as the OP rightly feared, leading to resentment and potential communication shutdown.

The OP’s adherence to the agreed-upon plan was appropriate given the context of managing emerging adults. For future instances, a constructive recommendation would be to establish a joint communication protocol with the ex-husband outside of high-stress moments, perhaps involving the grandfather’s mediation, to clearly define what constitutes parental oversight versus overreach for their 19 and 21-year-old sons, focusing on shared consequences rather than unilateral punishments.

What do you think of this story?





AFTER THIS STORY DROPPED, REDDIT WENT INTO MELTDOWN MODE – CHECK OUT WHAT PEOPLE SAID.

FindingCalm1179 Stick to what you know best and what's worked...

Els-09 40 not so much: Not a controlling man swooping...

.. Sorry you have to deal with that. NTA. You've...

your son is an adult, and your approach based on...

Your mostly absent ex doesn't get to dictate your parenting...

You set a reasonable expectation, your son respected it, and...

Your ex's sudden need to control things after all these...

cattapuu Why on Earth do either of you feel you...

Fun_Effective6846 home? No wonder your sons have mental health issues.:...

Okay so I first want to say that I'm just...

but my mom's friend is in a very similar situation...

what your family is going through. >Ex decided that almost...

No one has any say over when he goes out...

But his dad can't just flat out restrict his movement....

No sense in treating him like a child when that's...

CeramicSavage Just cut your ex off. There's zero reason to...

Yes, your son may have mental issues but if you're...

This is a manipulative tactic to keep you under his...

Girl_Power55 Nta: Why do your adult sons have curfew times?

And what the h**l does having a new pet have...

Disastrous-Nail-640 NTA. They're adults. It doesn't matter if they live...

Fact is, they are legal adults. This means you don't...

The original poster (OP) is caught in a conflict between her established, collaborative parenting approach and her ex-husband’s controlling demands regarding their young adult sons. She prioritized mutual agreement and respect for the 21-year-old son’s agreed-upon curfew, leading to a confrontation with the ex-partner who threatened to withhold the son’s vehicle as punishment.

Should the OP maintain her commitment to reasonable, mutual decision-making with her adult sons, or is the ex-husband’s authoritarian approach, despite its controlling nature, a necessary measure for managing young men with mental health and anger challenges?

Charlie Brown

Charlie is a creative mind who enjoys writing about art, music, and culture.

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