For eight years, pet sitting was more than just a side gig for this vet tech—it was a lifeline, a way to bridge gaps in income during uncertain times. But when the weight of expectations from loved ones clashes with the necessity of survival, the quiet struggle to balance independence and support becomes deeply personal and painfully isolating.
As plans are questioned and boundaries challenged, the simple act of saying “yes” to a job becomes a battleground for autonomy and respect. In this quiet storm, the yearning for understanding and validation echoes louder than any paycheck ever could.
AITAH because I committed to pet sitting before I started seeing the guy I’m currently with?
As renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman explains, “Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect, where both partners feel heard and valued in their individual pursuits.”
The core issue here revolves around autonomy and partnership boundaries. The OP is engaging in a long-standing, independent source of income that supports their personal financial needs, especially given their commission-based primary job. The SO’s reaction—flipping out, expressing discomfort about the OP being in another home, and escalating to demand approval for all future work—suggests a significant overreach into the OP’s professional autonomy. While partnership requires communication about scheduling that impacts shared time, demanding approval for independent work that does not directly rely on or financially burden the SO crosses into controlling behavior, especially since the OP is clearly stating the need for this income.
The OP’s feelings of being controlled are likely valid because the SO is attempting to enforce a unilateral rule (‘I need to get their approval’) on an established activity. To handle this constructively, the OP should avoid defensiveness and instead clearly re-establish boundaries around their side work. A better approach would be to communicate the schedule and the necessity of the income, rather than seeking permission. Future discussions should focus on how scheduling conflicts can be mutually managed, not on whether the work itself is permissible.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.
The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict where their need for supplemental income through established side work clashes directly with their significant other’s (SO’s) demand for veto power over these jobs. The OP feels controlled because the SO is trying to dictate financial decisions related to outside employment, which the OP views as necessary and separate from their shared life.
Is the SO’s demand for pre-approval over the OP’s established, necessary freelance work a reasonable boundary within a partnership, or is it an inappropriate attempt to control the OP’s independent financial activities?
