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AITA for “punishing” my family by no longer doing birthdays, holidays, vacations because my Dad screwed me and my wife over?

by Ankit
July 26, 2025
in Aita
Reading Time: 7 mins read
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They had dreamed together of building a life in Colorado, a place filled with memories from their college days, surrounded by friends, jobs, and the life they’d grown to love. The promise of a down payment from his father had been a beacon of hope, a step closer to their dream home. But that promise came with strings he never saw coming—a condition that shattered their plans and forced them to confront a painful truth about expectations and support.

His father’s words cut deeper than any financial limitation: “Be smart enough” to move somewhere cheaper. It wasn’t just about money; it was about their roots, their community, and the life they had fought to build. The weight of being told to leave everything behind for a cheaper city left them torn between loyalty to family and the life they truly wanted, caught in a heartbreaking struggle to find their place in a world that didn’t quite understand their dreams.

AITA for “punishing” my family by no longer doing birthdays, holidays, vacations because my Dad screwed me and my wife over?

Featured Image

When my wife and I were talking about getting married,...

We would be able to afford a good starter home...

Except apparently HE meant "a sum of money good for...

He did not ever mean a down payment for a...

He said he thought I would be "smart enough" to...

Our friends, our jobs, our hobbies. You can't exactly leave...

I told him that we had never talked about moving...

and the "move to a cheaper city" wouldn't work for...

It is still towards the goal. Well because of this...

We have had to cut out vacations, birthday gifts, holidays,...

At our current rate, we should have an ok down...

My Dad confronted us about this because we won't come...

That I was essentially punishing the rest of the family...

I told him that I was grateful for the amount...

Even townhouses around us are easily over 400k, and that's...

He said "a down payment" and that was that. For...

They are invited to come here anytime, but believe it...

What do you think of this story?





LET’S SEE WHAT REDDIT COMMENTS HAD TO SAY – BECAUSE THIS STORY LEFT EVERYONE STUNNED.

mercy_fulfate info: did he give you the amount he said...

Molenium because if he did i fail to see how...

giving you money? But less than you had hoped for?...

that's one thing, but trying to portray this as your...

embopbopbopdoowop YTA for framing it as your dad screwing you...

You a*sumed it would be a certain amount. It wasn't....

And now you describe that generous gift as screwing you...

while you're under no obligation to go on family trips,

Skyward93 to cut out any visits to them for a...

and my family is on the east coast. It is...

People always expect you to go to them bc you're...

If you want to save for a house I get...

They can always visit you or offer to help pay...

Emotional-Ebb8321 He gave you money,

accepting that you would be putting it toward a house...

And you respond by, essentially, cutting him out of your...

Radiant_Humor5110 YTA: I'm amazed at the number of people that...

down payment, etc. It must be really nice. Then this...

YTA- your dad didn't HAVE to give you any money....

biffmaniac So let me get this straight. Your dad offered...

He'd like for you to move home but that isn't...

you are struggling with the costs of the area you...

Based on what I'm reading here, he gave you what...

sanguinepsychologist Hang on. So ... what you're doing is saving...

therefore cutting out all travel and fun expenses to get...

Of course it means you won't be able to join...

However ... your father did not screw you over.

TheFinalPhilter You made a lot of a*sumptions on something that...

clarification are you saying you are mad at your dad...

Hmm I wonder if the amount of money he gave...

If it isn't you are in fact punishing him for...

Last_Caterpillar8770 YTA because you seem to think he screwed you...

account your area's cost of living with that offer. He...

Because you could make a short trip and keep costs...

After reading through the Reddit comments, it’s clear that many people empathize with the OP’s frustration about their father’s conditional support. The expectation that they should uproot their lives to accommodate a vague “down payment” offer feels unfair and dismissive of their personal circumstances. Commenters pointed out how important it is for parents to communicate clearly and support their children’s choices rather than impose their own financial expectations, especially when it comes to something as significant as buying a home. The consensus seems to be that the father’s stance, while perhaps well-intended, comes off as entitled and insensitive.

In my opinion, this situation highlights a common generational disconnect about money and living costs. While the father may have intended to help, his assumption that the couple should simply relocate overlooks the emotional and logistical ties they have to their current home. Financial assistance should empower, not dictate, life decisions. The couple deserves respect for wanting to build their life where they feel rooted, and it’s important for family support to align with that reality rather than create unnecessary ultimatums.

Ankit

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